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Love For My Fighter Brothers & Sisters

18K views 212 replies 32 participants last post by  Smoker 
#1 ·
Well, not many fighter sisters around now, but I could never forget Michelle or Phoebe.

Thank you, Donna for being my eMom. Your presence has been comforting during tough times, and keeping you in my thoughts has kept me from risking my life more than I already have.

Some of my best fighter friends aren't around anymore. I think about you and miss you all the time.

We're now a small group of dedicated gearheads. I couldn't be more proud to be one of you. I don't even tell people I do anesthesia, I tell them I build bikes. It consumes my thoughts and dreams.

Thanks much to all my fighter brothers for sharing their thoughts and lives with me. You guys have helped me discover something within myself that has brought much happiness. These years have been good ones.

For most people in my situation, the cancer comes back in around 5 years. For me, not much over 5 months. I have to start taking drugs next week that are going to fuck me up. Pretty sure chemo or radiation are about 2 months away. Can't say what's going to happen with me or the bikes. Should have prepared better, but was trying to get the bikes finished. That's what I love to do. Time could be very short now, and no way can I get everything done.

I sure would like to see finished bikes, and I have plenty of motivation to live. Problem is, I'm not riding this bike called cancer, I'm just the passenger.

I love you guys. :knucks:
 
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#41 ·
This shit sucks. Cancer meds are fucking me up.

Have hardly slept for almost a month. If I fall asleep, my temp goes sky high and I wake up. Have to jump out of bed fast so it doesn't get soaking wet. Then I stand in front of a big fan until I cool and dry off. Can happen 20 times per night. About every 15 min.

Just about at the end of my rope.

Had to start taking some benzos. Still can't sleep, but keeps me from snapping.

Not sure if things will get better, for a while, or keep getting worse.

Just stay in bed and save up my energy to ride to RAD tx every day.

Haven't missed a day of riding, yet. :rock:
 
#44 ·
Only have one more radiation treatment on Monday. Not sure how things will go after that.

Feels like 4 red-hot pokers burning me 24/7. Each side, front & back, where the beams are targeted.

I can take the pain, but I'm more than half dead from the medications.

Just doing what I can, for now. Mostly from bed. Bike projects are moving forward.

Job contract only protects me for a year. Wasn't getting paid, anyway - but the medical coverage will now cost me a shitload.

Oh, well. Bike projects still give me hope and dreams of accomplishment. :knucks:

Not dead yet, mofos....
 
#45 ·
The tech usually plays old school reggae for me during my treatments.

Yesterday, he said something wasn't working, so just had whatever rock music is on internet radio.

Whatever song ended, and as my treatment started - what (random) song comes on?

Blue Oyster Cult. Don't Fear The Reaper. Are you fucking kidding?

Great song. If I make it home for xmas, I'm singing it for karaoke!

Fucking reaper better fear me.
 
#48 ·
Not sure, yet. Not supposed to kill all the cancer cells, but hopefully will buy me some more (good) time. Also depends if I have to stay on these meds. Don't know how much I can come back from the meds, or how long it would take for the side effects to wear off.

Probably have to wait for a while to get an accurate PSA. Might get one Monday, just to see where it's at.

The thing is, it grew back fast after the surgery, so even if my levels are low, could still come back fast. Kaiser doesn't have the best testing, either. Not trying to be negative, just realistic.

Better not waste any time.

No RAD Saturday or Sunday, so will try to DW on bikes.
 
#53 ·
One of my internet 2-stroke buddies lives only an hour away.

Dude that loaned me his TIG for YEARS. :D

Dude that invited me to have Thanksgiving dinner with his family.

Dude that invited me to be with his family on Christmas day.

Because he knew I'd be alone, and because we share a special enthusiasm for bikes. :knucks:
 
#56 ·
Yeah. Kind of weird, but touching.

Truth is, I'm too fucked up to go. Bad news is I need another surgery ASAP. Will probably be mid-January, not sure. Problem caused by the last surgery.

Pretty sure most people die from the cancer treatments, not the actual cancer.

Will have to lose my money for the airline tickets. Very risky to travel home and be far from a hospital.

Whatever. Gotta deal with the good, and the bad. I'll have some beer and weed, and be happy I'm still alive and have bike projects to occupy my mind.

Not too sick to jump on a bike and twist the throttle a bit. That's always good medicine.... :D
 
#58 ·
Second that. Mainly not commenting cus dunno WTF to say... Power to you brother.
 
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#60 ·
It pains me in a way I don't think I could ever accurately explain to someone who is not part been part of this group when I hear things like this. I hate reading stuff like this, your in my thoughts smoker.
 
#67 ·
Must be doing something right.

4 old friends flew in from different states to give me some TLC.

All smokin hot back in the day. They still love me after 45 years.

Shaved me down, cut my hair, cracked all my toes, and everything in between.

Yeah, I date younger women. These are lifelong friends.

Feeling like a fucking king, today. :D

 
#69 ·
Re: Love For My Fighter Brothers & Sisters

How old are you? Look around 40
Around 40. Close enough! :D

Now on call for surgery. When there's a cancellation, a riding buddy will be cutting on me.

Another riding buddy will be doing the anesthesia.

They both ride Ducatis. :knucks:
 
#76 ·
Nothing I won't talk about. :D

When I had my last surgery, I was insufflated with CO2 for several hours. Gave me an inguinal hernia. Didn't have it before, and didn't know until after the surgery. 1 year later, can't go on - needs surgical repair. Bad news- it needs to be open, not laparoscopic- so, big incision coming.

Worst part for me is I have committments. With important people. I don't want Ed, Jeff, Sebastian, Mason, Rick, etc., waiting on me. I'm lucky to be working with them, and don't want to fuck things up.
 
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