Play along with me, because I guarantee this is going someplace. I find solace and a certain amount of nostalgic tingling whenever I get the chance to take in a swap meet or salvage yard. I like to think in my head that I am the Indiana Jones of motorcycling on that particular day and no person on earth can stop me from acquiring the Crystal Skully, or at least the Yamaha DT tank that I really want for my latest project. If chopping up perfectly good stuff is wrong, then i don't want to be right.


How many different bikes other than the original donor were cannibalized to make your current machine?

(a) None – 0 points
(b) 1 or 2 bikes – 10 points
(c) Between 3 and 5 – 20 points
(d) More than 5 bikes – 50 points

Your bike mostly……

(a) Collects dust in the garage – deduct 10 points, shame on you
(b) Angers you with the constant need for attention and fiddling – 10 points for it probably being Italian
(c) Leaks oil from a weeping turbo seal – 25 points
(d) Inexplicably and uncontrollably points its own frontend skyward on each ride – 100 points


Have you at any time in the last 12 months……

(a) Picked a part from someone else’s trash for ‘fighter parts – 25 points
(b) Welded/brazed/screwed/glued a part to your bike – 50 points
(c) Finished your current build – deduct 50 points, ‘fighters are never done
(d) Made your own parts from scratch and thought “them chopper boys got nothing on me” – 100 points


Your bike of choice could best be described as?

(a) Sleek and sexy – 5 points
(b) “Different” – 10 points
(c) Weird and not of this planet – 20 points
(d) Eating unattended children – 3,000 points
(e) “Cute” – deduct all points earned and get the fuck out of here


If you made it this far without closing this column and you own a motorcycle I salute you and award you an A+ for effort. Except whoever picked “cute” on that last question. My clouded judgment of you still stands.